Neil Polls...

We're experimenting with Google Docs new feature to support polls. Check out the new Neil Poll...

https://spreadsheets.google.com/viewform?key=pxQsfnXsQWXhsa9mMZYibOw

Introducing... CyberNeil

Now that Neil is living a hobo's life, it is harder to interact with him in person. Thus, we've created CyberNeil. Chat with Neil online, ANYTIME! We are not responsible for anything he says.

If the flash object below isn't working, try this link.

Where Should Neil Live?

Now that Neil has packed all of his belongings into storage and is mooching off of his friends, when can he crash at your place? Seriously, though, Neil has a tough decision to make. Should he stay in Virginia, which he really enjoys, but houses are too expensive? Neil makes a good living, and what else is he going to spend his money on? Or should he move to Florida, back to where he grew up? Neil loves sun, sand, bikinis, and palmetto bugs (flying cockroaches). Help him decided by participating in the "Where Should Neil Live" poll (located on the right on the sidebar).


Update: Neil purchased a home in Florida. This is despite the poll results, where 44% of voters thought Neil should move back to Virginia, 11% thought Neil should stay in Florida, and 22% thought he should remain a free spirit.

Famous Oracle Consultant ‘Neil’ wins Copley medal
Previous recipients include Stephen Hawking, Charles Darwin, Al Einstein, and ‘Sweet’ Louis Pasteur

--submitted by Mr. 7

Last year, physicist Stephen Hawking received the highest award for scientific achievement for his work in theoretical physics and cosmology. This year, it wasn’t even close. The Royal Society, Britain's elite scientific academy, unanimously chose our favorite egg-head as the award winner.

Wünder-boy Neil blew the competition away with not one, but two, unique observations. Neil’s first observation occurred early in February, when he experienced a freakish snowstorm in Cleveland. Neil was casually looking out the sixth-floor window when he remarked:

“Wow. It is snowing and the sun is shining!”

To the casual observer, this might seem like a trivial point. To Neil, however, it was earth- shattering. Neil shared this with anyone passing by. Almost everyone responded “That shit happens.” Perhaps it is the fact that Neil spent the majority of his life in Florida and did not have the opportunity to experience snow as the majority of Clevelanders have, but it is still a fascinating point with Neil.



Neil’s conclusion (and first theorem): Snow and Sunshine are not mutually exclusive.


Neil stumbled across his second observation while returning from a group lunch on Friday. We don’t know if liquor was present at the lunch, or exactly what led Neil down the thought-process (who can say what is floating to the top of his brain?), but it was another quantum physics nut-buster. The group was heading back to the office and encountered a flock of downtown pigeons. While the group was debating how to avoid the pigeons (and their filthy excrement), Neil made his second startling observation:

“Did you ever wonder how pigeons can fly?”

We can’t really address the aerodynamics of the pigeon’s wing, or why the pressure differential is as high as it is, but it is clearly critical in Neil’s mind.



Neil’s conclusion (and second theorem): Pigeons are capable of independent flight, and are not forced to rely on the wind to pick them up and blow them down the street.

These observations have since been recognized as the alpha-Neil and beta-Neil theorems. Not surprising, these observations have led other gifted scientists to suggest that Neil may need help. Steven Hawking, last year’s recipient, had this to say:

“Fo shizzle ma nizzle, I don't know what the fizzuck he’s talking about.”


About Neil’s Award

The Copley Medal is the Society's oldest award. It is given annually for outstanding achievements in research in any branch of science, and alternates between the physical sciences and Oracle 11i modules. The medal itself represents a gift certificate worth $20, redeemable at any Wegmans location.

How Bittersweet the Ending...

After many years, Neil has decided to move out of his apartment. Recalling the collapsing stairs incident, I think this is a wise move. Being an extremely decisive man, Neil has decided to pack all his belongings into storage and wander the streets like a homeless man until he figures out where he actually wants to live. There is a chance that Neil will decide to move to Florida, back to where he grew up. Who knows where Neil will end up?

The silver lining to this story is that Neil has decided to put his crappy TV stand out of its, and our, misery. Even the fine folks lurking on Craig's list didn't want this vintage piece of "furniture".

You Can Have Your Own Neil For Under $20!

The good folks at Perpetual Kid are offering this beautiful desktop sized Neil that also serves as a USB extender! I've already purchased two. I plan to attach little stickers with Neil's face on them for extra realism.

Kudos to Neil Uber-fan Katie for finding this one.

Neil's Celebrity Look Alike Revealed

Thanks to everybody who commented on who they thought Neil looked like. According to the face recognition software at MyHeritage, Neil looks like the following celebrities:



Actually, he does kinda look like Matt Lauer, doesn't he? Maybe John Goodman too.

I think they missed the most obvious match:

Neil	Celebrity

How Neil Looks Like a Celebrity

Through the amazing technology of digital face recognition, we can identify which celebrities look the most like Neil. Can you guess which celebrities look the most like Neil? I'll post the results after we get at least three guesses. Post your guess in the comments.

Neil	Celebrity

How Neil made early New Year's Resolution

Neil has made a resolution to lose weight quickly. Here is his promise...



Please take a moment to offer Neil support by way of comment here, or on his new Myspace Fan Club or Profile.

How Neil Lives in a Death Trap

Neil's apartment complex is falling apart, as is evident in this photo:



Now Neil has to walk across the hall, then down and back up an extra flight of stairs just to get to his apartment. Here is Neil slipping and falling on the hazardous steps. I smell lawsuit!



Actually, it looks more like Neil got drunk and passed out on the stairs.

It is only a matter of time before the entire foundation of the landings cracks apart and Neil and his neighbors collapse in a grim horrible death that you will hear about in the evening news. You think I am kidding? Look at the cracks in the photo below.

The Neil Fan Club!!!

I know that some of you are dying with anticipation, so here it is... I announce the creation of the new NEIL FAN CLUB! Check it out!!! Neil is officially part of the MySpace buzz. What's that, you want to be a member of the Neil Fan Club, but you don't have a MySpace account? Well, Neil doesn't need your loser ass anyway. This site is reserved for people cool enough to have a MySpace account.

Listen to the testimonials...

"I've always felt that I needed a better way to show my devotion to Neil. The Poor Neil blog just simply wasn't enough." -Katie

"If I wasn't married, I'd be all over Neil. He is so yummy." -Gail

"I sometimes read the Neil blog to my kids when putting them to sleep. They laugh and laugh..." -Michael

"Who is Neil?" - Robin

Can't Get Enough Neil?

Something new is coming for the rabid Neil fan!

I can't say what it is here, because Neil is looking. Drop a comment or send me an email if you want to know more.

"If you need me, me and Neil'll be hangin' out with the dream king." - (Do you know this Neil-obsessed artist?)

Neil the Outdoorsman

Somebody ought to tell Neil that you shouldn't eat wild mushrooms off trees.

How Neil Dates

How Neil Doesn't Exist

Isn't it fun to type people's names into Google and see what comes up? I decided to see what comes up for Neil. I typed his name in quotes to make sure I got him and only him.

Google Search: "Neil ****" (you know his last name if you know him)

Results: Your search - "neil ****" - did not match any documents.

That's right. According to Google, Neil doesn't exist!

Yahoo search finds some links for Neil. In fact, I found this nice picture of him. But still, if you don't exist in Google, you don't really exist.

Is Neil "So" Yesterday?

It's been pretty quiet on the WWND blog lately. Is Neil out of style? Has the world moved on? Does Neil need to step it up a notch?

Remember, Neil's acts are not intentional antics to amuse us. They are impromptu and come straight from his heart. He is not a trained monkey ready to dance for us.
LET'S CHAT IT UP PEOPLE. Or I will be forced to start a new blog, and you may be the next subject!